6 more weeks!

I had a dream about Malone the other night. I was holding her and she was so tiny. She had darker hair. I remember being overwhelmed in the dream by how tiny she was. All her features were so small and petite. Its hard to believe that in only 6 weeks (hopefully less) we will finally get to meet her. We're looking forward to finally seeing what she looks like (will she have her mommy's curly hair or her daddy's straight- as- a- stick hair? Will she have darker or lighter eyes?) and what her personality will be like (Will she be sweet or spicy?). Both Cameron and I are so excited and literally cannot wait. I think I'm probably a little more anxious than Cameron just because I'm ready to not have a baby sitting on my bladder, kicking me in the ribs or moving my intestines around any more. But overall, the pregnancy has by far exceeded my expectations in every way.

I think we're pretty close to being ready (would we even know if we weren't?). Her pack-n-play is set up, I successfully set up her swing by myself the other night (if you've ever done it, you know what a feat it is) and her clothes are washed. I've compiled my list of what to take to the hospital, although I can't get myself to get the bag ready yet. In one of my books, they said to have it ready by 35 weeks, but that's a little too early for me. I even thought about making some freezable foods like soups and lasagna the other day and then decided that a) that's a bit crazy, b) we don't really eat soups and lasagna and c) 6 week frozen lasagna just sounded gross to me.

We also have been trying to prepare in other ways. We often talk about how different a certain situation will be when we have Malone. For example, a quiet evening at home with Cameron working on his blog or reading a book and me cooking dinner or folding laundry will certainly look a bit different once she makes her presence known. Contrary to Cameron, I try to imagine the worst possible situation to make sure that a) if reality is really as bad as I had imagined, I'm ready, or b) I'm surprised by how great it is compared to what I had imagined. Cameron just is as positive as one can be, and when reality isn't that way, still takes it all in stride. How does he do that? One thing that we do know, life will never be like it is now. Not that it will be better or worse, just different.

Every once in a while I get a little overwhelmed by all the big questions. How will we know what to do? What if we're terrible parents? What if she's sick and we are super la la land parents and never know until its too late? Will I be the awful woman that everyone uses as an example of what not to do in labor? Will she be healthy and safe? What if we're terrible teachers and botch her whole view on God? These questions have a way of creeping in at the strangest times. But like they creep in, I just remind myself that millions of people who are way worse off than us have gone through this and had successful, wonderful children. Plus, again, Cameron is Mr. Super Steady Positive Man, which most of the time is really helpful.

6 weeks. Not long. Not long at all.